Stop This Inept Tory Coalition Horror ("STITCH")

OK, that's quite enough now. 
Time to stop everything and start again.

Here begins the "STITCH" campaign

These people have no idea at all. I can cope with broken promises. That happens in politics, sometimes. What I can't cope with is this bunch of toffs sticking to a plan that isn't working and will not work. Ever. I've even started to listen to Ed Balls. There's a remote chance that - one day soon - I might even start listening to the other Ed and possibly even Yvette. The opposition party is beginning to look credible. I know! That's how fucking useless the coalition has become.

"Look, Nick, this is how you do a leader's salute...stop waving your hand
about like some silly leftie-liberal; oh,er... hang on a minute....

Of course, it was doomed to failure, but back in 2010 it looked like there might have been a chance that Dave and Nick could have made it work; the bromance in the rose garden, and all that, coupled with the dismissal and castigation of the useless, odious Gordie. But gradually, by degrees, the ineptitude of the coalition has been revealed. In fairness, I believe that David Cameron means well. Yes, he's a privileged toff, married to another privileged toff and their privileged toff-spring will doubtless carry on as befits their toffness. But I think he really wants to do well for the country. But he's out of touch and just a little bit thick, really, when it comes to developing policy to solve the country's woes. Osborne, on the other hand, appears not to care at all about anything other than keeping his job. But why? What's the point? His family is minted (Osborne & Little / Baronetcy etc.). If he was doing his work in the public interest rather than that of his own political ambition, then he'd stop this madness now but he seems to be ploughing the furrow of "investment for growth" with a tractor that's almost out of fuel and a share that is barely scraping the surface of the field, while in the vast acres of the public sector, he's ripping up  the crops with no other plan than years of fallow. And there's no CAP to subsidise his lunacy.

Theresa May is beset upon all sides by a media that will simply not accept that anything is right in policing or border control. Danny Alexander will forever be likened to 'Beaker' and therefore cannot ever hope to claim the necessary credibility (even if he wasn't a Liberal Democrat). Very few people - and that probably includes the Cabinet - can understand why Jeremy Hunt is still in a job. Michael Gove is, quite clearly, bonkers; if the Free Schools 'initiative' and his curriculum meddling are things to judge him by. Cable refuses to declare himself as the 'Chancellor Presumptive', when, if he had wanted to a few days ago, he could have almost walked into No. 11 Downing Street with very little fuss and some applause from the media. Lansley seems determined to kill the population by fucking up the NHS. Ken Clarke and Willaim Hague are the only two senior cabinet members that have managed to retain a little credibility but that's largely on the back of Clarke being a bit of a smoking, toping 'bloke', and Hague having a vague idea of where things are in the world at large and having not said anything incendiary, as has been the downfall of many a Foreign Secretary.

And this isn't all (for once) about the media not letting the government govern - although that remains a factor. It is tough out there when the tabloid idiots scream in three-inch caps that everything is, basically, fucked or that everything will give us cancer and do to house prices what the Republican Party in the USA did to itself when they took on Mitt Romney as their candidate for the November 2012 presidential election. But even against that backcloth of the undeniable issues of the media shit-storms that hit us regularly, the coalition is simply inept. We need an ept government and we need one now, really...so: 

THIS ALL HAS TO STOP NOW!

We have before us, these three choices...

1) Do absolutely nothing: 

This is what we usually do in Britain. Sure, we'll have a little moan and little groan and, occasionally, we might tut. Some of our senior citizens can remember hard times but really, since the aftermath of WW2, we've "never had it so good". Now we're about to have "never had it so bad" since that time. But we do nothing because there's always something that takes our minds off the approaching car crash that masquerades as our economy. Things like the queen's sodding jubilee and the bloody olympic games. What is it that makes people think that we're any better at anything than the Spanish or even the Greeks (and the answer to that is not Standard & Poors, by the way)?

Bearing in mind that at least one third of the adult population can't be arsed to vote anyway, the chances of people "doing something" is next to none. Keep calm and carry on, then. That's what we do best. Have a nice cup of tea...

That's how we deal with things here... 

....and this is how they deal with things in France (probably)

...and, then again...in Greece and Spain

2) Support the 'Eds' toward an early election

To the casual observer, even those that are only casually politicised, the Eds must appear to be unelectable. But hang on just a minute. Miliband is finding a little bit of traction. Balls has mellowed slightly. Both have some open goals to shoot at through Osborne's mindlessness and they're just taking a few paces back at the moment and look like they might be considering a Beckhamist bender rather than the usual blast at the wall. Balls's interview in the "SIndy" last weekend was measured and, here and there, self-effacing, now that he's acknowledged 'middle age'. Perhaps we won't see his belly bouncing about in the party conference press footie match ever again (please).

"You are in my power...
When I snap my fingers, you will vote for me... and you will discard Other Ed...
And I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine

Maybe we shouldn't dismiss the Eds. It's not that we should just accept that anything is better than the coalition, though. The Eds have to convince us that Labour (notice that they've dropped the "New" - that was just sooo Blair) have the policies to see us through the recession and have a sustainable economy based on jobs and the welfare state. Wanting to lock up nasty, toxic bankers and others that apparently have no morals is all well and good if you're into political hyperbole. The Eds have to have a plan that doesn't involve the dismantling of the NHS, increasing the yawning chasm between rich and poor, the creation of creationist schools and the reliance on celebrations and a happiness index. If the Eds promised to re-nationalise transport and utilities then that would be a bloody good start.

However, if you visit the Labour website, there is nothing on the pages that tells you what it is that the party and, thereby, the Eds, actually want to do, apart from garner your vote. You can look at the 'Campaigns' page and this gives you a flavour of what the Eds' "Campaign Engine Room' is busy with; all 513 campaigns. Well, it's 162, actually, it's just that some of the 162 cut across various campaign areas and so get double-counted...but that's political spin for you. About one third of their campaigns are social and political; around a quarter are economy and jobs based. The rest cover areas like Health, Education, the Family, Green issues, Justice, Britain's roles abroad and the Family. But there's nothing that just says, for example:

1) On the Economy, "Bruiser' Balls will tax the rich and give to the poor - immediately and with a brutal force not seen since Stalin.

2) On Education, Stephen Twigg will punch Michael Gove in the gob and then go back to the basics of  Comprehensive Schools. Oh, and only ten per cent of pupils at posh, private, fee-paying schools can go to Oxbridge colleges - so there! Twigg will also allow as many people as wish to, to punch Michael Gove in the gob, too, and publish their Gove-whacking on You Tube.

3) On Health, Andy Burnham will reverse every privatised element of the NHS that has been introduced since 1960 and hand over the whole thing to doctors and matrons.

4) Sadiq Khan will start wearing suede shoes and will smoke big cigars. After all, Ken isn't doing so bad, really, so there's no need to change the Justice Department leadership that much.

5) Yvette Cooper will close Britain's borders to all but essential immigrants and put back all the coppers that Theresa May got rid of...

That sort of thing...but it's not there!

So, our final choice is...

3) Organise a "British Spring" (well, an "Autumn", really, as we can't afford to wait six months, as Dave and Giddy will have completely fucked everything by then). 

On the basis that the Eds can't be relied upon (yet) to deliver a socially-reforming manifesto then I'm afraid it'll just have to be a good, old-fashioned revolution.

The trouble is, old-fashioned revolutions are so difficult to accomplish, these days, what with the UN and the ICC (that's the International Criminal Court, not the International Cricket Council - the latter has rarely done anything notable in dealing with revolutionaries, to be fair).

As we saw with "Occupy" in recent months, if you attempt to do something radical in the West, the media are all over it like a hogweed-induced, photo-sensitive rash. Doing revolutions in totalitarian states is very difficult and dangerous, but at least you will probably have the ideological backing of democratic states and, in extreme cases, political and armed support. If you live in a democracy, you're supposed to wait until there's an election, and we haven't got one looming until May 2015. That's over one thousand days of coalition crap. Nearly twenty-five thousand hours, of which you might only be asleep for seven thousand. Eighteen thousand waking hours of Osborne's ineptitude plunging the UK further into a morass of economic despair. OK, now I'm being hyperbolic...sorry.

I really tried to think of a humorous caption
for this insert but all I came up with was...

TOSSER

I love living in Britain and I love the fact that we are...at least as close at it can realistically get...in a truly democratic state. But I fear for our survivial under this adminsitration...I really do. Regular readers of this blog will understand that it's all just a little satirical and it pokes fun at anyone that deserves to be poked. But I am, honestly, panicking right now. Some form of political and democratic revolution is needed before 2012 is out.

After the £9bn waste of public and private money has been forgotten and the 'Olympians' have retreated, we will be left with the wasteland that is the UK economy and the only thing with which the coalition's spinners will have left to encourage us all will be 'Christmas'. That's how utterly shambolic it all is. And to make matters even worse, there appears to be a groundswell of opinion - Olympics-based and London-centric, of course - that Boris Johnson might be the answer. Buffoonery has never led to success. The court jesters have never delivered worthy administrations (Reagan, Bush et al). What applies to London's City Hall can never work in Downing Street and Whitehall.

So now (and I can't believe I'm writing this - but I'm desperate) we must support and campaign for Labour and the Eds. And maybe a 'David', if he could be persuaded to return.That's the Miliband one, not Beckham, by the way. Although, come to think of it...