I know that there's lots of really important, shitty stuff going on right now; like economic crises, wars everywhere, famine, climate change and the remote but undeniably real possibly that Mitt Romney could be the President of the United States of America come January 2013. But that doesn't mean that the less important shitty stuff cannot have a place in a blogger's domain. So, here are:
TEN UTTERLY UNIMPORTANT THINGS THAT HAVE REALLY WOUND ME UP LATELY...
1) KP - Nuts
I can't understand why some people feel that the text messages or tweets of sports 'personalities' should be of interest to anyone other than the sender or the recipient. If the South African bowlers hadn't discovered how to get Andrew Strauss out, then I'd be very surprised. After all, that's part of their job. Besides, by Strauss's own admission, he's now so crap at batting so it wouldn't take a genius to work out that you just bowl at his stumps and he'll do the rest on his own. And anyway, nobody should be shocked that one of the many Southern Africans that have (by some circuitous route) ended up playing for England should wish to help out their mates.
2) Colonising Mars
In a few billion years we'll probably need somewhere else to live once our sun goes giant and devours the solar system in a frenzy of fusion reactions before just going "Boom! Look! Everyone! I'm a Supernova!" So, interstellar travel might not be a bad idea, but not just yet, and certainly not to a cold, lifeless, forbidding world like Mars. Mind you, if we do end up colonising that planet and set up a kind of community with shops and stuff, I wonder what they'll call the pub...?
Besides, colonisation is not always popular...
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| Latest Picture from "Curiosity" |
3) Cabinet Re-Shuffle:
Cameron is of the opinion that to shuffle Osborne off this political coil would make the electorate think that he'd made a mistake in appointing the Chancellor in the first place. How could any one think that? After all, he's quite good at sums and almost as posh as Dave. The austerity measures introduced have resulted in a massive impact on the recession, as he promised. It's now worse than it was when Brown squirmed away and he's managed to borrow even more money than the Greeks and Spanish put together. And even if Cameron had the cojones to dump his best mate, there is nobody at all available, even from the coalition's back-benchers, who could do any better.
Re-shuffle highlights to come:
Some Tory toffs will be replaced by some other Tory toffs. Some Liberal Democrat, fawning, toady turncoats will be replaced by some Tory toffs. Nothing more to see here...move on.
Cameron is of the opinion that to shuffle Osborne off this political coil would make the electorate think that he'd made a mistake in appointing the Chancellor in the first place. How could any one think that? After all, he's quite good at sums and almost as posh as Dave. The austerity measures introduced have resulted in a massive impact on the recession, as he promised. It's now worse than it was when Brown squirmed away and he's managed to borrow even more money than the Greeks and Spanish put together. And even if Cameron had the cojones to dump his best mate, there is nobody at all available, even from the coalition's back-benchers, who could do any better.
Re-shuffle highlights to come:
Some Tory toffs will be replaced by some other Tory toffs. Some Liberal Democrat, fawning, toady turncoats will be replaced by some Tory toffs. Nothing more to see here...move on.
4) Julian Assange:
The Assange situation is so unremittingly dull. Wikileaks is passe and besides, the so-called revelations therein were just what everyone knew or could guess anyway. Has it occurred to anyone that Assange's reasons for not wishing to be questioned / tried in Sweden might be because he's been a naughty boy and have nothing whatsoever to do with freedom of speech or fear of rendition (ordinary or extraordinary) to the US? Just a thought...
The Assange situation is so unremittingly dull. Wikileaks is passe and besides, the so-called revelations therein were just what everyone knew or could guess anyway. Has it occurred to anyone that Assange's reasons for not wishing to be questioned / tried in Sweden might be because he's been a naughty boy and have nothing whatsoever to do with freedom of speech or fear of rendition (ordinary or extraordinary) to the US? Just a thought...
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| Julian Assange phones his lawyer and tells him, "I'm Free!" |
5) Todd Akin's and George Galloway's Opinions on Rape...
As unlikely as it may seem, Akin and Galloway have something in common. Neither appear to understand the word 'rape'. But, as one is an insignificant US congressman whose political career has just disappeared up his own arse and the other is an insignificant UK politician who also doesn't understand what 'Respect' actually means (despite it being a 'political party' in his own, limited and weird imagination), then we shouldn't give either of the gits any media oxygen.
As unlikely as it may seem, Akin and Galloway have something in common. Neither appear to understand the word 'rape'. But, as one is an insignificant US congressman whose political career has just disappeared up his own arse and the other is an insignificant UK politician who also doesn't understand what 'Respect' actually means (despite it being a 'political party' in his own, limited and weird imagination), then we shouldn't give either of the gits any media oxygen.
6) Howard Jacobson's Opinions on Anything at All, Frankly...
Jacobson has got all cross about the reading public being frightened of 'the novel'. It seems that Jacobson feels that there is a 'dearth of good readers' because political correctness is removing the challenges of reading. What Jacobson doesn't understand is that most readers like to be entertained, have a laugh and, quite often, get aroused. That's why 'Fifty Shades' of anything will top the best-seller list and 'The Finkler Question' won't. Book prizes tend to do anything other than guarantee a good read. So Jacobson should get his head out of his arse and accept that popular fiction is what it's designed to be, i.e., popular. Here's a link to good example of what Jacobson thinks represents the end of civilisation: "MAX"
7) School Playing Fields:
There is nothing at all about the UK education system that couldn't be resolved by using Michael Gove's face and a massive shovel, and that includes the selling off of playing fields. Not that that matters anyway. In a couple of weeks, the whole olympic thing will have been forgotten and nobody will want to play outside any more and will go back to play-stations and burgers on the sofa - just like before, then?
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| "If it wasn't for those pesky playing fields, rigged GSCE results, Free Schools, Academies, being posh and looking a lot like Pob, then I'd probably be a brilliant Secretary of State for Education..." |
8) Ed M versus Ed B
About as interesting as a fight between Mel B and Mel C, only without the mud bath. Miliband has a marginal advantage over Balls in the latest polls on the matter of which Labour politician is most likely to lose the the next General Election. And that's an election where the fight is against a coalition of toffs and wimps that are gradually fucking the country. St Tony of Blair and his apostolic sidekick, Campbell, could win. Michael Foot could beat Cameron - and he's dead. But the Eds probably can't.
About as interesting as a fight between Mel B and Mel C, only without the mud bath. Miliband has a marginal advantage over Balls in the latest polls on the matter of which Labour politician is most likely to lose the the next General Election. And that's an election where the fight is against a coalition of toffs and wimps that are gradually fucking the country. St Tony of Blair and his apostolic sidekick, Campbell, could win. Michael Foot could beat Cameron - and he's dead. But the Eds probably can't.
9) "Parades End"
What was that all about? Benedict Cumberpatch's new vehicle was billed as "...the thinking woman's Downton Abbey...", a descriptor that was patronising on just so many levels. It was, frankly, a load of bollocks. And when something is billed as having being adapted from a "tetralogy", this meant that loads of reviewers started using the word instead of just commenting on the work having been adapted from the four related novels by Ford Madox Ford. And for those that didn't believe there was such a thing as a tetralogy, they now know so much about a congenital heart defect named after a nineteenth century French physician called Fallot. That's what we love about Google, isn't it? Put in a word that you think some clever arse has just invented and ten minutes later you're an expert on cyanotic heart problems caused by low ventricular oxygenation of blood, just like I have become. It's just a shame that when you google 'Gove' or 'Osborne', it doesn't provide options to visit web pages about totalitarian governmental controls...or idiots.
What was that all about? Benedict Cumberpatch's new vehicle was billed as "...the thinking woman's Downton Abbey...", a descriptor that was patronising on just so many levels. It was, frankly, a load of bollocks. And when something is billed as having being adapted from a "tetralogy", this meant that loads of reviewers started using the word instead of just commenting on the work having been adapted from the four related novels by Ford Madox Ford. And for those that didn't believe there was such a thing as a tetralogy, they now know so much about a congenital heart defect named after a nineteenth century French physician called Fallot. That's what we love about Google, isn't it? Put in a word that you think some clever arse has just invented and ten minutes later you're an expert on cyanotic heart problems caused by low ventricular oxygenation of blood, just like I have become. It's just a shame that when you google 'Gove' or 'Osborne', it doesn't provide options to visit web pages about totalitarian governmental controls...or idiots.
10) Adam Henson
I hope that I'm not the only person in Britain that couldn't give a shit about this wealthy Gloucester farmer and all the "really hard work" he does to run his farm and how awful everything is for those that work the land - which it really can be, unless you're being paid shit-loads of money by the BBC for telling everyone how awful everything is for those that work the land. On the other hand, the miniature donkeys and the piglets were just so cute, weren't they? Aaaah...
I hope that I'm not the only person in Britain that couldn't give a shit about this wealthy Gloucester farmer and all the "really hard work" he does to run his farm and how awful everything is for those that work the land - which it really can be, unless you're being paid shit-loads of money by the BBC for telling everyone how awful everything is for those that work the land. On the other hand, the miniature donkeys and the piglets were just so cute, weren't they? Aaaah...
Do animals really get any cuddlier than this?
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| "Psst... Fancy a Human Sarnie?" |
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