Jubilympics

A new word, "Jubilympics" was coined in the course of the excellent spoof documentary, Twenty Twelve, on the BBC (yes...they still do some things well or, at least, commission them). The disastrous consultant Siobhan Sharpe from Perfect Curve, who has never had an original idea in her clearly accidental career, believes that Jubilympics sums up what will happen in the UK in the year of the series title. And, idiotically, this monstrously inept character, brought stingingly to life by the excellent Jessica Hynes, is on the money. Just as many people now use the expression "Lemon Difficult", from Tom Hollander's useless minister in Ianucci's In the Loop, I can see Jubilympics going manistream with some people, like me, that can see the two events for what they are...DIVERSIONS.

Hynes as '2012' Sharpe
BAFTA-Worthy

When a country is in the shit, like ours is just now, politicians look for diversions just as they look to bury bad news under a heap of even worse news when offered the chance. It's not very often, however, that the diversions have all been pre-planned for them, years in advance. When the Olympic Games were awarded to London back in 2005, the UK was in a period of relative stability with falling unemployment, a passable balance of payments and not too many wars to be fought and lost. The IOC had no idea that, seven years later, their flagship event would be hosted by a country on the brink of a second recession and one that, to some observers, is full of dissidents, terrorists, rioters and possibly even some throwback trades unionists, with nothing better to do than disrupt the whole event. And when the late King George VI croaked in February 1952, he had no idea that his daughter would live long enough to have a diamond jubilee, or that it would coincide with the bleeding Olympics. So, by accident, Cameron gets the double fillip represented by the Jubilympics to take all of our minds off things like: over three million unemployed, Lansley's loony reforms of the NHS, Gove's attempts to turn back the educational clocks, Theresa May insisting that all British citizens be extradited to the USA (just in case they've done something to offend our special relationship), and that anyone called 'Abu' can do what the fuck they like here in Britain, rather than be banged up in Jordan, where they might belong, allegedly. Oh, and only the poor shall be taxed...

Missed Opportunity?

Not only has Cameron had this Jubilympic gift, but the Labour Party (I won't call them the 'Opposition' as they have failed, monumentally, to oppose with any vigour) have contrived to provide the PM with the most ineffective challenger on the other side of the despatch box since Michael Foot faced Thatcher in 1980 (should have been Healey...should have been Healey...ah, well).

It's almost impossible right now to view or read any media in Britain on any day without some fatuous crap being peddled about how utterly wonderful everything is going to be over the coming months as our country prepares to 'celebrate' the two events.

In early June, there will be an extended Bank Holiday for the queen's diamond thingy (like she doesn't have enough diamonds already?). Conservative estimates of the cost (that's understated estimates, rather than those provided by the majority party of the coalition) are around £1.5bn, although much of that is down to the estimated economic loss of about one quarter of one per cent of GDP resulting from people not going to work. No, I don't understand that either. Other associated costs are represented by Gove's nonesense over a new Royal Yacht and the silly barge thing that will set off down the Thames accompanied by a flotilla of sycophantic craft in its wake, presumably killing some swans for roasting at the pageant feast later that day.

Do you know what it is yet?

The Olympic Games will take, in total, public money of around £10bn to stage. Of course, government will argue that the inward investment and invisible income through tourism will more than make up for these huge sums of money and there is a remote chance that that argument may be won in the long run but if it is, the presentation of its success will only be a testament to the spin applied. I'll acknowledge that the Olympic Games should bring in income and it has created lots of jobs (in London, mostly), and it's made some people very rich...just like many busisness opportunities...and some of the eventual benefactors have re-invested in our economy, so it's perhaps not all bad, economically.

What's bad, though, is the political capital to be made by Cameron's government by whipping up a fervour for the 2012 festivals on the misplaced assumption that everyone is looking forward to them. Cameron and his cabinet have been accused of being "out of touch" with us "ordinary folk" and he is...but that's not his fault. They're rich, privileged and have rarely had to worry about any of the things that 99% of the population have had to.

Equally damnable are the assumptions made by the press and other media that everyone is having collective Jubilympic orgasms at the prospect of people running about and throwing things for a couple of weeks in the summer and that an unelected Head of State is going to have some slaves rowing her in a boat down a river a few weeks beforehand. The BBC have started already and, unsurprisingly, David-bloody-Starkey is popping up everywhere to promote his curation of the exhibition at Greenwich and, of course, his latest book about some other poncing royals from Tudor times.

But none of this actually matters. And why? Ron Weinland...that's why.

Never heard of him? No...neither had I until I stumbled upon a link to his work the other day and it was, quite literally, an OMG moment!

Weinland is a prophet of the Church of God (that's as opposed to the Church of Chocolate or Money or Twitter, presumably). Anyway, he's one of a number of "End-Timers" around these days and almost all of them from the USA, of course. Like the others, he has detected the trumpets from Revelation and all seven of them have sounded and now the seventh seal has been opened. This impacts everyone; well, all Abraham-based religions anyway, so that's Christianity, Islam and Judaism.

As a result of all of these trumpety seals and stuff, there is now a ten-sided European monster of a coalition about to pounce on everyone. In addition, Obama is an anti-christ (apparently) and the Armageddon that is WW3 is about to start thus heralding the End of Time and the second coming of Christ, who will rescue mankind from itself (again) but only after billions have died (including all of the non-Abraham-based religious populations and all atheists, conveniently). This will leave only people like Weinland behind to start again, and presumably he'll be one of only a few men left with thousands of women. You know the kind of fantasy... Alternative End-Timers prefer the bonkers proposition that the ones that are left (who shall number 20,000) will be taken by Jesus from the Earth on a space-ship and dumped on a new planet to begin again. I hope one of them is Professor Brian Cox and that the current coalition cabinet will be among the billions slaughtered.

And the End of Time is when? 27th May 2012, that's when (according to Weinland)

So it's all a bit pointless worrying about the Jubilympics, really.

Weinland the Prophet
Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him?
No.
Nutter.