How about these for idiots?
Reported this week on BBC radio: A man and his partner arrive at the Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) to talk about his £80,000 of debt. This is a debt that he's told his partner not to worry about as, in the long run, the equity in their home that, in his estimation, was increasing and would therefore eventually enable him to pay off the debt if push came to shove. Not a wholly idiotic strategem, even in a declining property market. However, when the CAB advisor asked him to set out his income and expenditure statements, he was a little surprised to discover an item in outgoings titled "rent".
"Don't you mean 'mortgage repayments'?" asked the unpaid, charitable chap behind the desk. "No...we rent our home", came the reply.
| Not an Asset! |
Next, let's take the guy with a totally misplaced moral compass. He had amassed personal debt of several thousands of pounds through credit cards, bank loans and car finance. Nothing wrong with that really, as long as that accumalation was serviceable, for a proper purpose...blah, blah blah, all the stuff that the FSA think that they have brought in regulation to make sure happens (but doesn't). What was wrong with this bloke was his rationale for taking on the debt; and I precis his response...
"...I was right up against it, mate. I needed loads of stuff like a big new telly and car and that, games and stuff for the kids and the missus wanted a holiday. Anyway, I thought...usually I'd just go out nicking the gear I needed but I thought, 'No! That was wrong, really'. So I took out a load of cards and that, and loans and stuff. It was dead easy and not against the law. Anyway, I ain't got the money to pay it all back now so I've gone bankrupt or something like that and it's great because that means I don't have to pay it back now and the best thing is that I'm not costing the government nothing like I was by being in prison the last time..."
These people walk among us. No, I'm serious...they do; really they do.
As most of us know, it is relatively simple to get credit, in all of its forms. At the moment, in order to satisfy those that wish to give you money, a person is required to demonstrate the following attributes:
1) Being alive (although in exceptional cicumstances, being dead is not a prohibitor)
2) Being resident somewhere that you can be found for a while
3) Er...that's it
So, this is what all banks and credit providers need to do in future on top of checking for an existent life-force and home address:
1) Can you read? If the answer is 'No', then the response to the credit request is 'Fuck Off' (delivered orally for appreciation aurally)
2) Can you read? If the answer is 'Yes', then a test will ensue: Read this out loud: "If you lend me some cash, then I will have to pay it back quite soon and I can not just keep it for me or give it to a mate". This is a sentence comprised of words of only one syllable. Failure to render these words, correctly pronounced on the first attempt, coupled with an unsuccessful polygraph test for veracity, will result in the application for credit being declined. A written decline statement will be issued in line with the oral delivery under point 1) above. No credit can be obtained without a personal interview (like in the 'old days').
These same conditions should be employed by the IMF as the deciding issues in applications from nation states that find themselves in penury.
There are a few "solutions" to finding oneself with debts that have become too big to manage. Apart from bankruptcy, which can be applied for by spending a few hundred pounds that you haven't got, there is the relatively new DRO (Debt Relief Order). This is a scheme for those whose debts are less than £15,000 and whose assets are less than £300. Fill out some forms and "Hey Presto!"...no more debt. OK, with a DRO against your name, it might prove tricky to get a loan, a card or even a bank account for a few years but given that your profligacy landed you in the DRO mess anyway, it hardly seems a fair that you can just go ahead and do it all again. OK, there will be thousands of people out there who have got into the position of being unable to service debts through bad luck, bad choices and unfortunate events outside of their control and these are the people for whom DROs and, in severe cases, bankruptcy should be legitimately available and not, however, for those like the two cases quoted at the head of this post.
There are many reasons why scumbags build up debt with no intention of paying it back; too many to deal with here so I'll just cover the principle issues without joining in the bank-baiting that is so popular these days. Everyone knows that everything bad that has happened anywhere in the World over the last few years has been as a result of nasty, horrid, greedy bankers, hasn't it? Well, no, it hasn't but the Daily Mail will probably find an exclusive soon that proves that Fred Goodwin and Bob Diamond give you cancer and that Johnny Cameron's Securitised Debt Option trading was responsible for the Japanese earthquake and tsunami earlier this year. Obvious, innit? No...not really. So...those reasons:
Reason No.1: Envy. (They've got one...I want one). This is not wholly the fault of manufacturers and retailers but they should shoulder a portion of the blame for riding on the back of booms and then not understanding when things are bust. No, it's almost entirely the fault of morons. Follow the chop-logic: 1) My mate Shane/Chardonnay has a 50" plasma telly/sun bed. 2) I want one of those. 3) I have no money. 4) The plasma telly/sun bed shop give me a credit card/finance deal. 5) Repeat process for everything else that Shane/Chardonnay has even though you (the moron) could simply watch Shane's telly or use Chardonnay's sunbed etc.
Reason No.2: Stupidity. The total lack of appreciation of consequence brought on by envy (see No.1 above). Of course, these days, people aren't stupid, or bad, or naughty. They're diagnosed to be somewhere on some mental health spectrum that forgives them for their idiotic behaviour and ensures that HMG gives them money so that they don't starve while gawping at their plasma tellies and admiring one another's orange skins.
Reason No.3: OK...it's manufacturers and retailers and their bloody advertising
Reason No.4: Alright...financial services organisations as well...WTF.
Reason No.5: George Osborne. I know he hasn't really got any blame to shoulder for this issue but a Fourth Column post on money would be naked without a dig at Giddy, wouldn't it.
2) Can you read? If the answer is 'Yes', then a test will ensue: Read this out loud: "If you lend me some cash, then I will have to pay it back quite soon and I can not just keep it for me or give it to a mate". This is a sentence comprised of words of only one syllable. Failure to render these words, correctly pronounced on the first attempt, coupled with an unsuccessful polygraph test for veracity, will result in the application for credit being declined. A written decline statement will be issued in line with the oral delivery under point 1) above. No credit can be obtained without a personal interview (like in the 'old days').
These same conditions should be employed by the IMF as the deciding issues in applications from nation states that find themselves in penury.
There are a few "solutions" to finding oneself with debts that have become too big to manage. Apart from bankruptcy, which can be applied for by spending a few hundred pounds that you haven't got, there is the relatively new DRO (Debt Relief Order). This is a scheme for those whose debts are less than £15,000 and whose assets are less than £300. Fill out some forms and "Hey Presto!"...no more debt. OK, with a DRO against your name, it might prove tricky to get a loan, a card or even a bank account for a few years but given that your profligacy landed you in the DRO mess anyway, it hardly seems a fair that you can just go ahead and do it all again. OK, there will be thousands of people out there who have got into the position of being unable to service debts through bad luck, bad choices and unfortunate events outside of their control and these are the people for whom DROs and, in severe cases, bankruptcy should be legitimately available and not, however, for those like the two cases quoted at the head of this post.
 |
| Carcinogen? |
Reason No.1: Envy. (They've got one...I want one). This is not wholly the fault of manufacturers and retailers but they should shoulder a portion of the blame for riding on the back of booms and then not understanding when things are bust. No, it's almost entirely the fault of morons. Follow the chop-logic: 1) My mate Shane/Chardonnay has a 50" plasma telly/sun bed. 2) I want one of those. 3) I have no money. 4) The plasma telly/sun bed shop give me a credit card/finance deal. 5) Repeat process for everything else that Shane/Chardonnay has even though you (the moron) could simply watch Shane's telly or use Chardonnay's sunbed etc.
Reason No.2: Stupidity. The total lack of appreciation of consequence brought on by envy (see No.1 above). Of course, these days, people aren't stupid, or bad, or naughty. They're diagnosed to be somewhere on some mental health spectrum that forgives them for their idiotic behaviour and ensures that HMG gives them money so that they don't starve while gawping at their plasma tellies and admiring one another's orange skins.
Reason No.3: OK...it's manufacturers and retailers and their bloody advertising
Reason No.4: Alright...financial services organisations as well...WTF.
Reason No.5: George Osborne. I know he hasn't really got any blame to shoulder for this issue but a Fourth Column post on money would be naked without a dig at Giddy, wouldn't it.
No comments:
Post a Comment