THAT CABINET (RE)SHUFFLE - IN PICTURES!

Dave has rewarded and punished his Coalition Cabinet. Here, in the Fourth Column, are the real reasons why the shuffle happened in the way that it did

And it's IN PICTURES!

 

KEPT!
Danny Alexander keeps his job as Chief Secretary to
The Treasury because he ticks all the diversity boxes:
1) Once had a real job. 2) Ginger. 3) Foreign (after 2014).
4) Quite intelligent. 5) Muppet.

GONE!
Clarke has fallen asleep during PMQs
on no less than one hundred and thirty-two
occasions, including once when he was
deputising for the PM. The Lords beckons...

KEPT!
Eric Pickles' position as Communities Minister was
secured once Cameron discovered various communities
living in Eric's navel and under his fourth chin. The
gypsies that were found in his arse-crack were deported -
all three hundred and thirty of them.

 

RETAINED!
This young chap kept his job as Foreign Secretary,
and will be working on new wars with his mum...

LEADER of the HOUSE of LORDS!
James Corden takes over from Lord Strathclyde...possibly

 

NEW!
Jo Johnson has been appointed to the Whips' Office.
Cameron will introduce legislation in the next session
outlawing brothers serving in the same Government.

KEPT!
Cameron likes to wear hats, but has 'felt' unable to
do so for fear of media piss-taking. Cable has been
retained in Cabinet as the "Hat Decoy".

THROWN OUT!
Although Cameron likes everyone to be
much smaller than him, it was decided that
Warsi was, on balance, just too tiny.
And a woman. And a Muslim. And just a
bit crap at interviews. And from Yorkshire.
She had to go.

 

NO LONGER IN  THE PINK!
Justine Greening is taken out of the Department for Tranport
and demoted to Cabinet barrista. "Double skinny machiato for
Dave and an espresso with a double shot of blood for Ollie
...there's a good girl...chop chop!"

GRAYLING!
This is the only pic of the new Justice Secretary
without his human disguise.
Be afraid...be very afraid...

WHATEVER...
Someone you've never heard of took over from someone
else you've never heard of at a government department
you don't really care about....

RETAINED!
Ollie Letwin stays on as Minister of State for the Cabinet
Office with the added portfolio as "Head of Tory Salutes"
(Here he is demonstrating his first attempt...)

FUTURE PM?
As new co-chair of the Tory Party, Grant Shapps
considers how best to approach fund-raising, with
particular regard to access to David Cameron

AAAAAARGH!
Gove was able to celebrate retaining his position as Secretary
of State for Education, despite his being a complete twat...
 

NEW JOB!
Theresa Masy turns up for her first day in her
new job; keeping us all safe from Islamists and
US Teapartyists...

CHANCELLOR of the EXCHEQUER
Mr R Madillum-Vulgare was selected by Dave to
take over at the Treasury as he was deemed to have
significantly more brain cells, better manners and
infinitely greater voter credibility than the previous
incumbent. Good choice all round then...

 

HEALTH WARNING!
Jeremy Hunt was given the Health brief in the hope that
he will eagerly take responsibility for the collapse of the
NHS in the same way he did for the success of the Olympics.

 

And, of course...

A VERY SPECIAL JOB...

"You see, er, Nick, isn't it? There are
all these lawns to cut and the roses to
look after. How about £7.25 an hour...
will that do? Plus some overalls and
some wellies, of course"